Dear Summer Marie,

You are due to arrive in 8 weeks. For months, I prayed that you would not come early – that you would remain in my tummy for as long as possible. Now, I can barely wait to meet you! These 8 weeks seem to be going so slowly and I secretly hope you come just a bit early.

For so long you were my baby a. A part of a pair. You represented so many things to your daddy and I. And so much about you has been wrapped in question marks. Questions about your health, your viability, your future.

We named you early – mainly so that we could pray for you by name. Summer Marie. I love your name and everything it represents. Your aunt helped us see the spiritual implication of naming you Summer when are due to be born in the middle of winter. Maybe God’s favorite season in our life is when we grow and learn the most – that’s his summer. And this season of our life, awaiting your arrival, was certainly a season of growth for us.

As I left the hospital today after seeing you in a final ultrasound, I began reminiscing about the last 6 months. Wow, what a rollercoaster! There have been so many things about you in question. And yet, you have always been a constant.

Every week, as we frantically measured and calculated the images on the ultrasound, you were there. Pumping your little heart. Kicking your little feet. A reminder of life in the midst of loss. A reminder of hope in the midst of the unknown. Even now, you are constantly there. I feel your hiccoughs. Your kicks. Your summersaults. Thank you.

I wonder what you would have been saying throughout this time if you could speak. Would you say, don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Or would you simply and silently continue doing what you were created to do…grow, develop, live.

As I get closer to meeting you, I feel a certain anticipation. I felt it with your sister Mia too but this is different. I feel like I owe you something. Like I owe you my complete devotion because it has been split up until now. Like I owe you my gratitude because you fought so hard -and did- beat the odds. I know that what I owe you, what any parent owes their child, is unconditional love.

A phrase in a popular song right now always makes me think of you:

I will love you for you – not for what you have done or who you will become.

That is my promise to you. My promise that no matter what the answers to the questions are about you, we will love you for you. We will teach you. We will guide you.

I enjoy hearing the stories of when my mom was pregnant with me, the details surrounding my first few days of life and how exciting it was for my mom and dad to have a baby girl. I know one day, we will have those conversations. Where you will learn about the details surrounding my pregnancy with you. About the day I found out I was pregnant and how over the next several weeks I bought over 20 pregnancy tests just to be sure. I will show you the pictures of when we told the rest of the family by putting a shirt on Mia that said “Big Sister 2 Be”. And how I was sick for 3 months straight and what TRAP sequence is. You will learn about Cayden Marie and see her ultrasound picture. I will tell you how scary it was but how hearing your little heartbeat each week gave me the strength to keep moving forward.

I have heard parents say that they don’t know how they can love a second child as much as they do their first. And while I always understood that notion because of the fierce love I have for Mia, I am also keenly aware of how God opens our hearts to be able love without limitation. And that kind of love is meant to be given away.

I can’t wait to share that love with you.

I already love you with all of my heart.

See you soon baby girl,
love mommy.